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The 31st of January. Just another day in the football calendar, albeit one without any actual football, save Southend United vs. Newport County.

Distinguished slightly by the ending of the mid-term period allotted to register new players but little more than a logistical failsafe to cross the i’s and dot the t’s and make sure all the cumbersome bureaucratic paperwork is completed before we exit the first month of the New Year.

WRONG Bitches! For this is Sky’s Super Awesome Magic Transfer Deadline Day Bonanz-O-rama! Only the most bed soilingly Bangerang day of the year. Like Christmas crossed with New Year sprinkled with your 21st birthday, only not your 21st birthday, you worthless boring peasant, your 21st birthday if you were one of the Beckhams or the Osbournes only featuring Jim White  – That’s right, JIM WHITE! THE JIM WHITE!! (Actually no, not the Jim White, he plays snooker.) The country’s SECOND MOST NOTABLE JIM WHITE! – That bloke you might recognise off Sky Sports News if you watch it enough accompanied by an interchangeable collection of tits, both figurative and literal!

If Sky’s overly dramatic Nolan-esque promo is anything to go by, this years festivities will be scored by Hans Zimmer and take place in Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom Universe. It’s only a matter of time before they’re numbered and sponsored. With that in mind, what can we mere mortals expect to get for our subscription fees from the 20th Biannual Sky Deadline Day Bonanza in conjunction with EDF Energy & Wimpy?

REPORTERS STANDING OUTSIDE, IN FRONT OF THINGS

Reporters often stand outside, in front of things. Standing outside in front of things is an important pre-requisite of what reporters do. Standing inside, behind things is far too easy, and probably comfortable, and reporters should never be comfortable inside of things, lest we cotton on to how easy their jobs actually are.

I once watched a report on the dire effects of the cold snap on hospital admissions, which required the intrepid reporter on scene to stand outside, in front of the hospital in question. All the way across the road from it in fact, so it was nicely in view, interviewing its chief resident doctor in the snow on a traffic island in the middle of a busy intersection. Ironically this both increased their chances of getting ill and diminished their ability to get to the hospital.

Often reporters are made to stand outside in front of important landmarks that have nothing relevant to do with the story they’re discussing, but merely to prove they’re in a place and “looking busy.” We can expect to see a lot of this kind of pointless behaviour as reporters stand idly about in front of Stamford Bridge or The Etihad despite the actual negotiations taking place in Portugal or Belize and not in the middle of the Fulham Road. Or perched at the end of a country road that leads to a training ground they’re not allowed near, all just to reassure us plebs they’re not merely sitting at home checking their Twitter feeds like the rest of us.

This is almost always accompanied by…

SPURCHINS… AND OTHER ANIMALS

If Reality TV has taught us anything (and it hasn’t) it’s that everyone wants to be on television. Being on television, however fleetingly or ignominiously is the status signifier of the 21st century, along with Twitter followers and pretending to like Ryan Gosling films. As soon as a reporter is stationed outside in front of a thing, it’s only a matter of time before a curious throng of dubious specimens begin to gather, enraptured moth like by the bright lights and the promise of nationwide exposure.

More often than not they manifest as urchin-like children, escaped from parental attention (providing their parents aren’t watching Sky Sports News) and determined to spend their youthful freedom staring gormlessly into the dark lens of the soul.  This tends to make the reporter look a bit like Fagin, or a dowdy pied piper, harnessing the evil power of transfer speculation to lure the nation’s children out of their homes to do his bidding.

EX PLAYERS SITTING INSIDE CUPBOARDS

While reporters are rightly treated like the roaming cattle they are, former players are treated with a modicum more respect by the transfer speculation express. When discussing the possibility of a player’s transfer from one club to the other, it is of course vital to have the opinion of someone who has – at one time or another – played for one club, or the other. This player will likely have no knowledge of the current inner workings of the club, or indeed football itself, having stopped playing in the early 80s and never gotten closer to the game than a celebrity golf tournament since.

Yet his opinion will lend gravitas to whatever story it is he’s commenting on and he’ll be available. Former players are almost always interviewed in two ways; via satellite from a celebrity golf tournament, or in a cupboard full of monitors. The second allows said former player to view footage of said transfer and rattle off insightful phrases like. “…which is what he’ll bring to the table” and “a whole new dimension.” If he’s really lucky he’ll be able to slip in an anecdote about his time at Fulham in 1981 before he’s allowed to return to his life of golf and bankruptcy.

REPORTERS REPORTING ON OTHER REPORTERS

Whether standing outside in front of things, or sitting indoors behind things, or merely trapped in limbo on their way to do things, Sky will leave no stone unturned in their efforts to cannibalise their own reporting and eat up those precious viewing hours. Enter Jim White, the sort of self-created deadline Deity cum dancing transfer monkey of Sky Sports News who’s projected image is used as the headline act in the network’s deluded promotion of the event.

Jim’s whereabouts will be reported on throughout the day by other reporters as if he’s a transfer himself, in an act of almost Zen satire entirely lost on the protagonists. His grinning visage will also appear routinely on the sidebar alongside whichever news-tits he’s scheduled to anchor with, like a sort of monstrous inter-gender boxing card. Those in the know say this year he’ll wear a cape and enter on a runway of dry ice to the strains of Headline News by Weird Al Yankovic.

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CARS & SUNGLASSES

Cars form a crucially important part of transfer speculation. Most footballers these days drive cars of course, and most of these are inappropriately large, expensive things with tinted windows that all inexplicably look the same. This makes for the perfect visual filler in virtually any story. As rolling news trundles on in its constant desperation for something to happen, such footage will be replayed endlessly as the hapless roving reporter informs us that “we’ve heard nothing yet, but he arrived at training this morning as usual.”

Occasionally, to the unbridled joy of the huddled, wild outdoor newsmen, a car will stop and converse with the mass of hungry reporters. Frequently however, this conversation will yield no interesting information, and ‘Arry will simply be asking if anyone knows the form for the 3:40 at Lingfield.

When, against all the odds, a transfer actually is happening, footage of cars simply won’t cut it anymore and only footage of players walking around airports with wheeled suitcases dressed like diamond encrusted clowns will suffice. This is a must for your more personal rolling news filler, and will mandatorily require the player in question to be wearing sunglasses, despite the fact he’s in England, in the winter and most significantly indoors, contravening Rule 4 of the official people’s guide to not being a giant tool. (See also: Scarves) If one thing can be said for super Jim and his merry band of excitables, they’ve never needed sunglasses.

The prospect of a long and ultimately debilitating injuring list, is one that every club in the Premier League will have to deal with at some point this term. But after a season in which they found themselves with the most atrocious injury record in the division, it appears that Manchester United are looking to take things into their own hands.

Work is well under way at the Red Devils’ Carrington training ground to develop a new £13million, state-of-the-art medical facility, in partnership with Japanese technology giant Toshiba. According to The Telegraph, the facility’s remit is to produce quicker and more private injury diagnosis on site, rather than rely on nearby hospitals in the region, encompassing MRI scanners and the like to boot.

But such was the damning nature of last season’s injury statistics, the timing of this development, set to open before the end of the year, doesn’t seem to be a coincidence.

Last season saw United pick up 39 injuries that lasted for duration of two weeks or more. The Premier League average is around 20. With United already suffering a defensive injury crisis at the start of the season – in which Michael Carrick had to play centre half – that would have most other teams baulking, the new facility couldn’t open fast enough.

Although United’s training ground remains one of the most advanced facilities in the country, 12 years have since passed since Carrington’s opening and in the world of medical advancement and sports science, that’s quite a long time. There’s nothing more to suggest that the current facelift to their medical department is anything more than an upgrade, rather than a dramatic reinvention.

But this isn’t the first time that United, or indeed the realms of English football, have come under fire for their track record with injury and injury prevention.

When Owen Hargreaves ended his injury-ravaged spell at United and moved to rivals Manchester City in 2011, he aimed a parting shot at the medical staff at his former club. Hargreaves made a series of startling claims, suggesting that the prolotherapy injections he was administered for his tendinitis issues equated to ‘guinea pig’ treatment. But perhaps more concerning, was the claim that he was made to star his final game against Wolves, when he made the medical staff well aware of a hamstring complaint. A hamstring that subsequently gave way after five minutes.

Of course, Hargreaves’ chronic knee issues are an extremely rare and difficult problem to manage, but it certainly gave an interesting insight into the medical travails at United.

Because similarly with Hargreaves, the long-term and often terrible injuries such as the knee ligament damage that Nemaja Vidic suffered last season, are relatively rare. A club can do little to prevent someone breaking their leg or the chronic bowel condition that Darren Fletcher has fought back from. But the majority of their 39 ‘significant’ problems, weren’t a series of cruciate ligament ruptures; they were muscles strains and pulls.

According to the Daily Mail, this is something that the Fergie has not been best pleased with and is perhaps an area in which both his side and several others in the country, could do well to improve on.

Dutch fitness coach Raymond Verheijen, famous to most on these shores as the former assistant to the late former Wales boss, Gary Speed, has been an outspoken critic of English training regimes. But his pedigree within the game goes a lot further than his work with the Welsh national side, and he’s been employed by Frank Rijkaard during his time at Barcelona, Guus Hiddink during his spell with Chelsea and a host of international tournaments with the Netherlands, Russia and South Korea respectively. He believes that many clubs are failing in the preparation of their training and that by overworking players and ignoring their previous injury records, they are catalysing disaster.

Indeed, Verheijen points to the change in his countryman Arjen Robben’s fortunes when he switched Real Madrid to Bayern Munich, following a reputation as something of a ‘man of glass’, during his time with Chelsea.

“What they did  [with Robben] was reduce his training volume and all of a sudden, he was not injured anymore. The question is, ‘Was he a player of glass or was he trained by coaches of glass? Robben and all the other explosive players like Robin van Persie, when they make an action they use more energy than other players.

“If they train the same volume as the other players their energy expenditure is twice as high as the other players. So you have to reduce the training volume by 50 per cent, which is what Bayern Munich did with his programme.”

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Verheijen’s ideology is that fatigue due to overtraining, is the cause of many muscle related injuries and that a player’s injury history, style of play and body composition, should all be considered when devising a training routine. His methods, coined with a typically Dutch phrase in Periodisation, can be controversial and his claim that 80% of injuries could be nullified by doing so, are open to scrutiny. But his beliefs certainly offer some food for thought.

Because the facilities of a medical facility are only as good as the methods in which they are being utilised. Some have suggested that the influx of investment at United can bring their facilities up to a par with AC Milan’s fabled Milanello complex. But Milanello is more a laboratory, than just a series of expensive medical instruments. It’s there to prevent injury, to achieve ultimate physical performance, in complete tandem with managerial selection.

Manchester United will be looking to scratch something of a very irritating itch indeed, when their new medical facility opens. But the ethos needs to be centred around preventing injury – not just addressing it.

Do you believe anything can be done to stop the incessant flow of injuries at Old Trafford? Just bad luck or something a little deeper? Let me know how you feel on Twitter: follow @samuel_antrobus and tell me what you think. 

We at Football FanCast suggested on May 26 that new West Ham United manager Manuel Pellegrini should make a move to sign enigmatic striker Mario Balotelli on a free this summer, and he showed exactly why he would be brilliant signing for them on his Italy comeback on Monday night.

The 6ft 2in tall centre-forward was making his first appearance for his country since 2014 having been recalled to the squad following an outstanding campaign with Nice, for whom he scored 26 goals in 38 appearances in all competitions.

The 27-year-old soon-to-be free agent wasted little time taking that form back on to the international stage as his low strike from outside the penalty area gave the Azzurri a 21st-minute lead.

In 58 minutes on the pitch, he had three shots and an impressive passing accuracy of 88%, while he showed that he is willing to work hard defensively too by making two interceptions.

Meanwhile, new Irons boss Pellegrini, who could be set to sign a player that was previously handed an 18-month football ban, may well be looking to bring a new striker to the London Stadium in the next few weeks seeing as he usually plays with two up top, and with Marko Arnautovic proving to be the first-choice in that position last term despite it not being his natural position.

Whether the Austrian reverts back to a wide position or not, it seems clear that Balotelli would be better suited to the striker’s role than Javier Hernandez – who endured a miserable debut campaign with the east London club – while Andy Carroll continues to be plagued with injury issues and Jordan Hugill looks likely to go.

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While it won’t be easy to snare the controversial Italian because of his impressive goalscoring record, West Ham should be making a big offer to sign him in order to prove that they mean business again.

During his first two seasons at Tottenham Hotspur, Heung-min Son was something of a flittering force. That is to say, despite scoring 21 times across all competitions last term, the South Korean international was never really a guaranteed starter; he’d have runs in and out of Mauricio Pochettino’s starting XI and was always the most expendable member of Tottenham’s support cast to Harry Kane.

But midway through his third campaign in north London, that’s no longer the case and excepting their supremely talented centre-forward, Son is now arguably the most important member of Tottenham’s attack – moving ahead of, or at the very least on par with, the likes of Dele Alli and playmaker Christian Eriksen.

Indeed, Son has netted seven times and bagged four assists in his last eleven appearances for the Lilywhites and the 25-year-old forward produced yet another convincing performance on Sunday as Pochettino hit Everton for four at Wembley to move just three points away from a Champions League qualification spot.

But Son’s opening strike, a point-blank finish applied to a Serge Aurier cross-shot, was very much the tip of the iceberg; he finished up with the most efforts at goal, the most successful dribbles and the joint-second-most created chances to his name of any Spurs player and could have even doubled his account for the afternoon when one of his seven shots hit the woodwork.

There appears to be a much greater consistency to the forward’s game this season and that has steadily changed his status from being an expendable squad player to one of the first names on Pochettino’s team sheet. So, is Son – who Transfermarkt value at £31.5million – now Tottenham’s most important attacking player after Kane? Let us know by voting below…

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Wolves responded brilliantly after an inconsistent last ten games which culminated in a gut wrenching last minute defeat to Gillingham. Goals from Edwards and Evans saw off Preston and buried the ‘not beaten a top six team’ hatchet for good.

It looked like Wolves were in for a tough afternoon but defended stoutly as Preston looked to get in behind their oppositions back line. Batth and Stearman were just two of the standout performers in a convincing win against a good Preston side. Despite the pressure from Simon Grayson’s side, Wolves started well, Michael Jacobs picked out Sam Ricketts on the right, his cross met Leigh Griffiths but the header went over.

Soon after, Dave Edwards was the unlikely recipient of a through ball, he beat the offside trap, dinked the ball over Rudd but the ball was cleared off the line much to the frustration of the home crowd who were seeing chances being squandered.

Jackett made three changes from the loss to Gillingham the previous week, Stearman, Evans and Griffiths replacing Elokobi, Sako and Doyle in Jackett’s now usual 4-5-1 formation. Simon Grayson named an unchanged team after the win against Port Vale, Garner and King playing up top as a pair with new signing Kilkenny in midfield, providing the creative spark.

Preston had a goal disallowed on twenty five minutes, Ian Hume slid in the back post to tap home but was adjudged to be a few yards offside, causing hysteria in the south bank as the home fans watched their opponents realise the goal had not been given.

Wolves then rubbed salt into the wound, but not before some controversy came their way.

Leigh Griffiths found he was appealing for a penalty after being bundled off the ball in the eighteen yard box. Griffiths was still remonstrating with the referee when Danny Batth played the ball into James Henry whose one touch pass found Kevin Macdonald, the in-form midfielder drove at the Preston defence, slipped the ball to Dave Edwards who picked his spot and coolly slipped the ball underneath Rudd in the Preston goal. A wonderful move equalled by the Welshman finish.

A word on Macdonald, he really has settled into this team well, his vision, strength, poise and ball retention are, at times, astounding and it was nice to see him double his assist tally to two. He is streaks ahead the best central midfielder in the League and is somewhat underrated amongst the League One fraternity.

Preston recovered well from going one down, Buchanan, the full back, pinged a shot from outside the area, which McCarey and the whole stadium thought was going out until it dipped at the last minute and hit the cross bar. Easily Preston’s best chance, whether they meant it or not. Soon after, Preston had another good opportunity to level things up, Paul Gallagher hit a low drive wide, much to the frustration of the five thousand or so away fans.

Wolves soon got back into their mojo and really started to put North End under pressure. Ricketts took on the Preston full back, beat with him ease, his ball in was cleared out to the boot of Kevin Macdonald whose low, stinging volley was parried by Rudd to the feet of Henry whose rebound was blocked, not that it counted for anything as the winger was adjudged to be offside when Macdonald hit his volley. Minutes later, Evans was put in one on one, drove left of Rudd but the ball was cleared before he could shoot.

When Wolves weren’t on the front foot, their pressing off the ball was superb, the way Henry and Jacobs would double up on Preston’s wingers and force them to give them the ball back was admired by everyone in the ground. Golbourne and Ricketts showed great mental awareness at times to track the long runs made by Clarke and Buchanan. It was a great defensive display by the defence. They showed to everyone why this defence is statistically the best in the league, combining strength and physicality with mental sharpness and ball retention under pressure.

The second half resumed and so did the pressure from the rampant home side. Wolves, on the counter, were deadly, Henry laid the ball off to Griffiths whose shoot was rather poorly executed. Macdonald’s long range shot was hit wide. Whilst Wolves were attacking well they were not quick enough when they had possession of the ball. The passes and movement needed to be quicker, Wolves, at times, gave Preston chances to get back and recover, Wolves missed a trick in not using Jacobs’ pace to penetrate the Preston backline, his directness and purpose with the ball is frightening at times.

The pattern this season has been that Wolves have failed to press home an advantage in the second half, all too often the men in Old Gold would sit back, protect a lead and soak up pressure rather than just repeating what got them the goal in the first place. Yesterday that mould was broken, Wolves doubled their lead and killed the game off as a contest.

It resulted in them pressing the Preston team in possession, the ball was won back by the excellent Lee Evans, Leigh Griffiths picked the ball up. He then turned and played James Henry in on the right hand side, he hit top gear, bursting through the bewildered Preston back line, his stinging shot was parried by Rudd’s right hand, sadly for him, Lee Evans was there to trickle the ball over the line, the reinstated midfielder was delighted to have scored, capping an almost perfect afternoon for the young man. Suddenly, Wolves’ midfield options are rich and deep, with David Davis on the bench and Jack Price recovering from injury, Wolves arguably have the best midfield unit in the league.

The game soon petered out, not before Griffiths fired way wide after doing exceptionally well to win the ball back. Simon Grayson made a double change to try and ask some new questions of their opponents, Davis and Wiseman replaced Holmes and Hume with half an hour to go.

Jackett made his own changes soon after, David Davis came on for Dave Edwards, the young defender being the ‘third lung’ of the three man midfield as Jackett looked to sit deep and see the game out.

Preston were then awarded a free kick but failed to trouble McCarey in the Wolves goal. Soon after, Jackett made another change, Leigh Griffiths saw his number come up and Liam McAlinden was to replace him. A ten minute raft of changes ended when Grayson brought Brownhill on for Welsh.

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Liam McAlinden’s impact was instant as he connected with a James Henry cross after the new signing did well to accelerate from his own half to the Preston box. Despite the score line and the amount of time left on the clock, Preston still continued to create chances. Gallagher’s curled effort was parried away by McCarey who looked extremely confident throughout the game. McAlinden displayed some of his potent attacking prowess, when he excelled past the centre half, King, cut inside and hit a low shot that was clumsily saved by Rudd in the Preston goal.

McAlinden made such an instant impact when he was introduced, in those twenty minutes he staked a very solid claim to be the starting striker, he was streaks ahead of Griffiths. McAlinden looked like he had it all, he has great pace, awareness, agility and strength despite his slight frame, he offers everything that Cassidy offers but with a razor sharp edge to his game. I for one would love to see him in a one on one situation with a keeper, he’s got that lethal streak about him.

The final whistle was blown and the fans celebrated a brilliant win against a top six side. The clocks have been reset and Wolves can put that ‘bad’ run behind them and focus on a top two assault, it’s going to be difficult, Leyton Orient and Brentford never look like losing. The imminent arrival of Nouha Dicko will provide more fire power upfront, this doesn’t diminish the need for a big powerful centre forward that can batter his way through defences.

So, a good week was made even better come 5pm yesterday afternoon, the permanent signatures of Henry and Jacobs, all for less than what we sold Karl Henry for seems like some of the best business Wolves have done since the arrivals of Jarvis and Kightly. The result against Gillingham must now be put to bed and we should look forward to picking up at least seven points against Crawley, Bristol and Oldham.

Hey, Leyton Orient and Brentford, the Wolves are a coming…

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has stated that referee Chris Foy did not play enough injury time in his side’s 3-2 defeat to Tottenham on Saturday.

The official indicated that four minutes of additional time should be played at the end of 90 minutes, however the Red Devils failed to capitalise and in the end slumped to their first loss to the north London club at Old Trafford in 23 years.

However, the legendary Scottish trainer feels that his team were hard done by and that Spurs were guilty of time wasting.

“It is a flaw in the game that referees are responsible for time-keeping. It is nearly 2013 and the referee still has control of that,” he commented to Sky Sports.

“They gave four minutes. It is an insult. It is ridiculous. It is denying you the proper chance to win the football match.

“There were six substitutions and the trainer came on. That is four minutes right away.

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“The goalkeeper must have wasted two minutes. They took their time at every goal kick. That is obvious to everyone,” he concluded.

By Gareth McKnight

Just when Arsenal fans were trying to get their heads around the prospect of Mikel Arteta managing the club, the race for Arsene Wenger’s successor took a sharp turn.

According to BBC Sport, the North London outfit will hire former Paris Saint-Germain boss Unai Emery later this week.

The Spaniard is out of work after getting sacked by the French giants earlier this month following the club’s failure in the Champions League.

The 46-year-old won five trophies during his two-year spell at Parc des Princes, including the Ligue 1 title, and prior to that, he helped Sevilla claim three consecutive Europa League crowns.

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Arteta was thought to be the leading candidate for the job, but his lack of experience perhaps contributed to him just missing out.

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After retiring from professional football in 2016, the former midfielder joined Manchester City to work as part of Pep Guardiola’s coaching staff.

It appears that Arteta wants to take that next step into management, but City fans are more than happy at the prospect of the Spaniard staying put.

Harry Kane had the almost-perfect 2017 on an individual level.

The Tottenham Hotspur striker ended the calendar year as top scorer in Europe.

The England international netted 56 goals, surpassing Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, who have 10 Ballon d’Or trophies between them.

Kane’s stock has certainly risen over the last 12 months, and as expected, the striker has been linked with big-money moves away from Tottenham.

Despite his individual achievements, the 24-year-old has not yet won any silverware with Spurs.

The club came close in the previous two seasons by finishing third and second respectively, but in the current campaign, the title is beyond them as Manchester City have a 21-point advantage.

Due to Kane’s goalscoring heroics during 2017, many assumed that he would have been selected as part of UEFA’s team of the year, but the forward missed out.

In fact, Chelsea star Eden Hazard was picked as part of an attacking trio with Ronaldo and Messi.

Man City’s Kevin De Bruyne was the only other Premier League representative in UEFA’s best XI.

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As anticipated, Tottenham fans were less than impressed with the snub.

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Queens Park Rangers midfielder Alejandro Faurlin has confirmed that he would be open to a January switch back to the Premier League, as reported by Sky Sports.

Faurlin has been a bit-part player in Harry Redknapp’s QPR side so far in the Championship this season and with his current contract set to expire in the summer, a cut price January move could be on the cards.

The 27 year old spent six months on loan at Palermo last season but was told he was in Redknapp’s plans when returning to West London.

Premier League clubs such as Everton, Sunderland and Fulham have all been linked with a move for the Argentinean and the midfielder would be happy to stay in England.

“This is my last year, but it’s not my decision,” Faurlin told the Fulham Chronicle.

“I try to do my best and I look forward to staying in England, and I can say I have played 120 games here. People know you if you play long enough in England.

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“At 27 you want to be relaxed, with a contract, and not in the last year. But if I play my part, it will not be a problem finding a club. If you are not playing you try to go somewhere else – that is normal.”

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Sunderland goalkeeper Simon Mignolet has called West Ham’s last gasp equaliser as “stupid” after the Black Cats were pegged back from a winning position for the third time this season.

The Belgian international produced one of the saves of the season denying Kevin Nolan in the first half.

But the ex-Newcastle man wasn’t to be stopped striking in injury time to leave the Wearsiders still winless having drawn all four Premier League fixtures.

Mignolet told the Sunderland Echo: “I was pretty pleased [with the save] at the time, it kept us in the game.

“However as a goalkeeper you are always frustrated to concede no matter when. When you get into stoppage time, you shouldn’t be conceding goals.

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“After the game you always reflect on the goals you concede rather than the saves you have made. I feel like the rest of the lads that if we had defended like we had for the rest of the game, we wouldn’t have conceded such a stupid goal.”